Slow play? It's all relative.

This is a response to the Ben Crane slow play video previously posted. Every recreational golfer probably has some relation to what I'm talking about. Slow play for me is a definite downer. Some of the golf I've been around makes Ben Crane seem like Usain Bolt.

This brings reality back to life as I prepare for my spring golf season. All joking aside there are lots of aspects of the game of amateur golf that are a lot slower than Ben Crane's play. Scenario. A group of guys tee off on #1 at a busy public course on the weekend. After various stretches, practice swings, checking of GPS units, banter, and multiple mulligans, the round finally begins. Now I'm not saying that everyone is a professional, but at least have some respect for others on the course. There are still 17.5 holes to play and they're not going to get any faster.

Take this conversation I was a witness to last year between two golfers. "What's the distance?" "Let me check my GPS. Hang on, I have to move the cursor. Damn, it's too bright let me move under the cart. Ummm 189 yards." "What is it to the front?" "Ummm 179." "Thanks" (4-6 practice swings) "What's it to the back?" "Hang on, 195." "Thanks" CHUNK! "What is it now?" "185 yards."

Again, I'm no pro but I pride myself in my fast play. I have a laser rangefinder that I point at the flag, take a practice swing, then hit away. Golf seems to have become too techy with equipment. I listen to people all day complain about slow play and how golf takes too long. But what's too long for 18 holes? 2.5 hours? 3 hours? 6 hours? 8 hours? (yes I played in a tournament for that long). Some courses post recommended times for pace of play on each hole. I like that. A course I've been to also kicks people off if their play is too slow on Friday. I like that also.

I always laugh at my friends who complain about how the NFL is so slow with all the TV time outs and how baseball is so slow because of all the changes and visits to the mound. Let's put this into perspective. I can go play a round of golf with a friend on an empty course in 3 hours easy. When the round hits 6 hours, that would be like watching a noon football game with 3 hours of commercials. That would be ok though. I'd be dreaming about Bud Light, the AFLAC duck, Viagra, Ford vehicles, and Cash for Gold for the next 5 weeks.

My solution? I think people need to leave their phones and techy devices at home while they are on the course. Maybe fix that chunk by investing in lessons instead of a $400 unit that tells you what only golfers who are named Tiger Woods would need to know. Maybe get rid of all the golf carts. I guarantee that people would play a lot faster if they knew they had to walk to wherever their shot is, instead of driving the golf cart to each persons ball. Last of all, play as fast as the group in front of you, not behind you. If you get passed by a group of more than 2 people, Wii golf is really fun and you don't even have to wear clothes for that. Ben Crane may have to start his round on Wednesday, but if things don't speed up I'll be finishing my weekend round on Tuesday.